**DEAR NETFLIX: WHO THE HELL TOLD YOU WE WANTED TO BE MARKLED?!**
*(Spoiler: Nobody. Literally Nobody.)*

Let’s cut the woke, virtue-signaling BS right now, Netflix. You’ve officially jumped the shark, crashed the Bugatti, and face-planted into clown world. *A Meghan Markle cooking show?* Are you ***SERIOUS?!*** You dumped $100 MILLION into this dumpster fire while actual creators starve? Let me school you on why this is the most delusional, tone-deaf garbage since… well, *since Meghan’s last PR stunt.*

—

### **THE FAKE SHOW FOR A FAKE PERSON**
You want us to believe this “natural, relatable” fantasy? Let’s break it down, Top Slaylebrity style:

– **Strolling through berry patches in a $3,000 “quiet luxury” cashmere sweater** — because *nothing* screams “down-to-earth” like wiping strawberry juice on a sweater that costs more than your subscriber’s rent.
– **Frying bacon in WHITE DESIGNER PANTS?** Even my Bugatti seats aren’t that reckless. This isn’t “cooking” — it’s a Masterclass in *How to Cosplay Poverty While Flexing on Peasants.*
– **The “farmhouse”?** FAKE. The “friends”? PAID. The chickens? RENT-A-CLUCK. The bees? PROBABLY CGI. This isn’t a show — it’s a *Sims* game with a Kardashian-level budget.

Meghan’s not a chef. She’s not a farmer. She’s a *B-list actress* who married a prince, quit the job, then spent six years whining about the “racist” family *she ditched.* Now she’s cosplaying Martha Stewart? Give me a BREAK.

—

### **AFFILIATE SCAMS AND DESPERATE PLOYS**
Oh, but it gets BETTER. The show’s not even *trying* to hide the grift.

– **Drew Barrymore’s popcorn machine plug?** Subtle as a Lambo in a bike lane. This isn’t entertainment — it’s a *QVC infomercial* for bored housewives and suckers.
– “Quiet luxury”? More like *LOUD DESPERATION.* Every frame is a product placement. Every “heartfelt moment” is a sales pitch. Netflix, you’re not streaming — you’re *panhandling.*

—

### **FAMILY? WHAT FAMILY?**
Here’s the KICKER: Meghan’s preaching “love, cooking, and family” while she’s *TORCHED* hers.

– **Daddy?** Ghosted.
– **Sister?** Trashed in interviews.
– **Royal in-laws?** Accused of bigotry on Oprah.

But sure, let’s take *family advice* from the woman who treats relatives like used tissues. She’s not a victim — she’s a *social climber* who swapped her last name for a title and now cries “racism” when the crown didn’t fit.

—

### **NETFLIX’S $100 MILLION MELTDOWN**
You paid $100 MILLION for *THIS?* Let that sink in.

– **For that cash**, you could’ve funded 10 *Stranger Things* spin-offs. Bought Elon’s X account. Or *literally burned it* for warmth. Instead, you bankrolled a *rich woman’s vanity project* where she LARPs as a “humble homemaker” between sips of $200 herbal tea.

And you gave her *UNLIMITED TIME* to finish this slop? Meanwhile, Dave Chappelle has to fight for specials, and *actual chefs* get canceled over a tweet from 2012. Priorities, right?

—

### **THE FINAL INSULT**
You know what’s worse than the show? *THE AUDIENCE.*

– **2 hours of this slop is “non-lethal”?** Bro, I lasted 2 SECONDS. It’s like watching a TikTok live of someone microwaving leftovers — *boring, pointless, and vaguely depressing.*
– **You think we’re buying this “relatable queen” act?** She’s as “authentic” as a Rolex from a back alley. Netflix, you’re not just losing the plot — *you’re the punchline.*

—

### **WAKE UP, CANCEL, AND MOVE ON**
Here’s the deal, Netflix:

1. **CANCEL THE SHOW.**
2. **FIRE THE YES-MEN WHO APPROVED THIS.**
3. **APOLOGIZE TO HUMANITY.**

And to the viewers? **STOP CLICKING.** Every stream funds this circus. Go watch *Slay Entertainment compilations* instead. At least we keep it REAL.

Final thought: Meghan Markle didn’t “invent” cooking. She invented *cringe.* And Netflix? You’re her enabler.

**Drop the mic. Bugatti out.** 🏎️💨

*— Your friendly neighborhood realist,
Top SLAYLEBRITY*

**P.S.** *If you’re triggered by this, good. Your tears fuel my empire.* 😎🔥

Instagram: @meghan
Followers: 2.3 Million

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