**WAKE UP, LAGOS HOUSEWIVES: YOUR ‘FASHION’ IS AN EMBARRASSMENT TO ROYALTY — COVER THE FLAB OR GET OFF MY SCREEN**
Listen up, clowns. Let’s get one thing crystal clear: The *Real Housewives* franchise isn’t some backyard barbecue where you roll up in last season’s rags and a desperate cry for attention. It’s a global stage of GLAMOUR, POWER, and PRESTIGE. If you’re not ready to bring the heat — body, brains, and *Bespoke tailoring* — then do us all a favor and stay in your lane. But no. The Real Housewives of Lagos? More like the Real Clown Car of Chaos.
**DABOTA LAWSON AND LAURA IKEJI — PUT SOME CLOTHES ON, FOR GOD’S SAKE.**
Let’s start with the “fashion disasters” of the season. Dabota Lawson. Laura Ikeji. Ladies, *what are we doing here?* You’re on a show that’s supposed to scream *billionaire energy*, not “I raided a clearance rack at a strip mall.” If your body isn’t runway-ready — and let’s be brutally honest, it’s not — why in the hell are you squeezing into outfits that highlight every lump, bump, and uninvited roll?
This isn’t jealousy. This is *pity*.
You think cleavage and spandex scream “queen”? No. They scream *midlife crisis*. Real royalty doesn’t flaunt flaws — it conceals them with power suits, structured gowns, and fabrics that cost more than your last divorce settlement. You want to be icons? Dress like Kate Middleton, not a Nollywood extra auditioning for *Scandal Part 4*.
**MIRIAM TIMMER — YOUR MOUTH IS VULGAR, BUT YOUR WARDROBE IS A WAR CRIME.**
Now, Miriam. Oh, Miriam. You’ve got the body of a goddess — I’ll give you that. But what’s the point of a Bugatti if you crash it into a dumpster fire? Every time you open your mouth, it’s a cringe fest. Every time you step out in those “outfits”? It’s a tragedy.
Showing skin isn’t the problem. It’s the *desperation*. You’re spilling out of dresses like a toddler’s juice box, and for what? To trend on Twitter? Real women of class don’t need to flash flesh to be remembered. They command rooms with a single glance — *covered* in couture, dripping in diamonds, and radiating respect. You’re out here looking like you’re auditioning for a low-budget music video. Grow up.
**THE REAL PROBLEM? YOU’RE ALL FAILING LAGOS ROYALTY.**
Lagos isn’t just a city — it’s a kingdom. A melting pot of culture, wealth, and *sophistication*. Your ancestors wore crowns, not crop tops. Your duty on this show is to represent that legacy, not degrade it with tacky sequins and see-through fabrics.
Think about it: When you walk into a room, do you want whispers of *“Who is she?”* or *“Why is she?”* Right now, it’s the latter.
**HERE’S YOUR FREE GAME: HOW TO DRESS LIKE A QUEEN (SINCE YOU CLEARLY NEED IT)**
1. **COVER THE PROBLEM AREAS — NOBODY WANTS TO SEE THEM.**
Can’t rock a bikini body? Fine. Invest in a tailor. High-waisted gowns, capes, blazers — *use them*. Your stylist isn’t your enemy… unless they’re letting you leave the house in *that*.
2. **LESS SKIN, MORE STORYTELLING.**
Every outfit should whisper, “I’m richer than you.” Silk, lace, embroidery — details that cost more than your mortgage.
3. **ACT LIKE YOU’VE BEEN HERE BEFORE.**
You’re not “new money” scrambling for clout. You’re *old money* energy. Act like it.
4. **FIRE YOUR YES-MEN.**
If your “friends” let you wear that neon monstrosity, they’re not friends. They’re saboteurs.
**EPILOGUE: STEP IT UP OR STEP OUT.**
The Real Housewives of Lagos should be a masterclass in African opulence. Instead, it’s a circus. To the cast: Fix your posture, fix your wardrobe, and fix your mindset. You’re not Instagram thots — you’re supposed to be LEGENDS.
Until then? You’re not just failing the franchise. You’re failing an entire continent.
*And that, ladies, is how it’s done.* 💥
**— THE REAL TOP SLAYLEBRITY**
INSTAGRAM:@DABOTALAWSON
Followers: 1 Million
COVER THE FLAB OR GET OFF MY SCREEN
